Rudimentary Ramblings

Now, I run the risk of sounding like an old man with no hair on my scalp and no teeth in my mouth who reminisces about the good old days but seriously.... Remember the good old days when TV was something we all looked forward to at the end of the day? And not something to turn on because we have nothing else to do. And even not so long ago I remember MTV. A channel that lived upto its name. Music Television. Its all about the Music baby! From Shehnaz Treasurywallah's saccharine draped MTV Most Wanted to Nikhil Chinappa's spunky MTV Select, it was always about the Music.

Shehnaz is long gone, and I must say I don't miss her, but that’s not the point. Nikhil is still there but a 35 year old VJ trying to act 25 is just plain sad. But what I miss is the music. It has been replaced by what can only politely be called from the infertile and impotent imaginations of retards who could be outsmarted by apes.

Point in case, MTV Roadies. The flagship show for the channel. A show about the spirit of adventure out on the open road. What it is is a show about 20 somethings with cumulative IQ scores of 20 something bitching, back stabbing and playing "politics" to win the grand prize of 5 lakh and a bike. The so called adventurous tasks are so timid that my daily morning trip to the john is more death defying in comparison! But then Roadies is really an award winning master piece in comparison to what they got lined up after Roadies got over.

MTV Shitsvilla!.. No wait... Splitsvilla! Whats that you say? Who cares? It involves 20 babes in hot pants and spaghetti tops most of the time and 20 babes in beach wear for the rest! Basically, these 20 girds have to fight, bitch and backstab for another grand prize. This times its two "hunky" guys who they get to date at the end of the show. And you thought true love only existed in Mills & Boon! So how does 20 women foregoing self respect and everything that women's rights activists have fought for in the last century make for good television you say? I dunno... but it just does.

Another example, MTV On the Job. The other day I caught an episode where 3 girls had to compete to become air hostesses! Talk about career goals! These women were taught the fundamentals of air hostessing in a day which apparently involves how to apply make up and .... hmmm.... thats it! So naturally, they had a challenge where they had to apply their make up and get ready in 10 minutes and then proceed towards handling a mock flight. During the flight the girls snatched a mock passenger's cellphone, did the mock safety demo all wrong, forgot to give a mock pregnant lady adequate protection for her mock baby during a mock emergency landing and left behind a mock kid during a mock evacuation. Despite making a mockery of everything an airline does during a flight, one of the girls won! She was so overwhelmed by the mockery she made of herself on Mockery Television (MTV!) that she was crying and deluded herself into thinking that had this been a non- mock flight she would have been able to save non-mock lives! Absolutely brilliant, I must say!

And this was just a tip of the iceberg. MTV isn't music anymore. Hell it isn't even TV anymore. So who should I blame for the immense mental agony being meted out to us through MTV? I could blame that bald headed goon called Raghu who's aforementioned creations, quite frankly, terrify me more than Dr.Frankenstein's. Or maybe I should just do what all the elders do and point my fingers at today's youth who demand to be entertained in this fashion. But in truth I only have myself to blame. For only I am to blame when I actually sit and watch MTV. For only I am to blame when I watch these shows because of the guilty pleasure I get from watching people making a fool of themselves on national TV. For only I am to blame for wasting 735 words of blog space when I could have read some else's blogaristic magnum opus instead of publishing my own blogaridical drivel.